OMG my eye ,OR I'm blind ;son of &$%(*&#@!



Friends stopped by yesterday evening to pick up something. She had been slicing jalapenos for her loving hubby. They have a love hate relationship with peppers. He loves em, she hates em! Long story short she rubbed her eye and omg poor thing. That oily juice was still on her hands. Reminding me I have not written the sequel to How making pepper Jelly got started. 

Ghost Peppers in Vinegar



So here we go..........

I was making Pepper Jelly for Christmas gifts and like a goober I had my contacts in. Yes dear friends and genital people, I had my contacts in.

I don't feel I can stress this enough,

 My contacts were in my eyes.

Really bad idea when working with hot peppers. So make notes for later in this story and in your lives.

I wear gloves this is a good idea when working with peppers. As more than a "sometimes" cook I too feel like.... I Got This.... {Hands rotated outward in a game show model move to indicating all items on counter top are covered by this statement.} and that wearing gloves just slows me down and cuts back on my dexterity. I have learned the hard way Gloves are a must. Fashion smashion I'm no diva but you gotta glove. When it comes to hot peppers even mildly warm ones. It's not about burning fingers it's about were the fingers go after the pepper slicing or chopping.

We all do it ....rub an eye, scratch a nose. Oh and then it's on like Donkey Kong.

Last year I was making "Jingle Bell Jelly" that is what I call the pepper jelly I make for Christmas. I give this as gifts and leave some under the tree for gifts for the Magi. This was covered in the prequel to this blog. "How making pepper Jelly got started." To save time Magi in our house are the people who show up with a gift when you didn't expect it. My grandmother always kept some little something under the tree for the just in case people. Most of whom will be relatives, or co-workers that didn't get the memo "no gifts" you know who you are.

Now back to how I was rendered sightless for a short time. I had put on gloves... No. As I explained earlier they hinder my dexterity. (Note to self... right and being blind doesn’t) I would love to say that I had on gloves and somehow cut one and that's how this all started but NOOOOOh I was too smart for that ... remember ...I GOT THIS.....{insert game show model move here}  Well I didn't "got this" as well as I thought. I had an itch and rubbed under my eye and oh the burn well I added water to some baking soda and put the paste under my eye and soldiered on. I would take care of this after I was done with the Jelly.

When I was finished with the jelly I decided to take out my contacts (remember My contacts were in my eyes.) I had washed my hands with baking soda and lemon juice and also again in "go-jo" that grease cleaning stuff men keep in "the shop" or on your sink cuz "well I don't have a sink in my shop" So again I was surprised and the shocked at the pain in my eye when I put my fingers in it to remove my contact. 

My brain seized up at this and for a moment I felt what I call personal panic. It's that unforeseen moment right before you get your grip on whatever has happened. I was sure my eye was on the floor and the burning/searing pain I felt was going to last forever. My mind is a lot like a big lint screen, picking up lots of tidbits of information along my way in life. Some of which I'm sure has gotten mixed with others. 

So my calm little info man says.... "No no no; eyes can't reach the floor ...but they can rest nicely on your cheek attached by the nerves and tendons holding it."  Really that's all you got at a time like this? Really!? "It's highly unlikely you have dislodged you eye in the first place, and if you going to shout I will just have to leave."  I don't need that I need to stay calm. Now while I'm trying not to step on my eye (I did not believe my inner calm) and stop the pain. He who never gets his way is in the living room chatting up a storm about something he has seen or is going to do or OMG my eye. 

Yes this once it is allllll about me and I have to stop this pain. I know now why when they train law enforcement on how to use the pepper spray they take away the guns first.... If I had one now I think I would shoot myself to make it stop.

Watado! watado!! watado!!! Now my calm self has been joined by my inner child and she is scared all to hell and back. Dancing from one foot to the other and shaking my hands like I can't find a towel. I tell her water we are going to wash our eyes out with water.

If that doesn’t work were going to take them out and wash them, hell ones already out and on the floor someplace. Ummm, well no that can't really be true. Mr. Smarty info man said so.

I still wonder if this is true or not as I try to splash water in my eye at the sink ....no good not fast enough it's really is making it worse.

My brain locks up again ... saying something about how was that possible. I really thought the pain was at the highest level.... wow was I wrong.

I'm on auto pilot now ... I strip out of my clothes and doing so smack my toe on the leg of my vanity bench moving it a good 5 inches. Oh goodie blind and gimpy LOVE THIS!  Reach for the shower door & ram hand into wall by door.

 Good blind, gimpy, and now I need a hook for a hand.  Ever notice how everything is multiplied when you’re in pain to start with.

 

Oh good my inner Drama Queen has showed up..... Saying "Wonderful just mother loving Wonderful! You’re a frocking pirate, frocking wonderful.

If you die now I'm going to stand before St.Petter naked and looking like a freaking Pirate." I could remind her that the pirate act was not my idea but what good would it do she is way to stuck-up to hear me.

I find the door and slide it open. I reach in not a fast this time see I can learn. Turn on the water full blast and step in..... HOT! Screams inner child.  Well guess I can't learn. I turn down the hot. I wash what is left of my eye and without thinking reach to remove the other contact from my left eye.

Son of a flying monkeybisket! OMG What the hell was I thinking....

Infoman..... "I don't think you were."

Inner child… "Watado! Watado!! Watadooooo!!!!

Drama Queen.... "Really?"

ME ...Stand back and give a gal room … I Got this.... Oh wait that’s how this started.....

I did get the other contact out of my eye. Happy to report the other eye was in fact in my head all the time not on the floor. My toe is not broken and I do not need a hook for a hand. I really would put my eye out then... but that is another Story. I was drying off when hubs came in to say ...oh that's where you went.... I was talking to you and poof you were gone. ...Oh wow did you know your eyes are all red Hun?

You gotta love a man like that. Comes looking for you, and is worried about a little thing like red eyes after a shower. Thank goodness he doesn’t know how many people were in the shower with me. LOL