OMG my eye ,OR I'm blind ;son of &$%(*&#@!



Friends stopped by yesterday evening to pick up something. She had been slicing jalapenos for her loving hubby. They have a love hate relationship with peppers. He loves em, she hates em! Long story short she rubbed her eye and omg poor thing. That oily juice was still on her hands. Reminding me I have not written the sequel to How making pepper Jelly got started. 

Ghost Peppers in Vinegar



So here we go..........

I was making Pepper Jelly for Christmas gifts and like a goober I had my contacts in. Yes dear friends and genital people, I had my contacts in.

I don't feel I can stress this enough,

 My contacts were in my eyes.

Really bad idea when working with hot peppers. So make notes for later in this story and in your lives.

I wear gloves this is a good idea when working with peppers. As more than a "sometimes" cook I too feel like.... I Got This.... {Hands rotated outward in a game show model move to indicating all items on counter top are covered by this statement.} and that wearing gloves just slows me down and cuts back on my dexterity. I have learned the hard way Gloves are a must. Fashion smashion I'm no diva but you gotta glove. When it comes to hot peppers even mildly warm ones. It's not about burning fingers it's about were the fingers go after the pepper slicing or chopping.

We all do it ....rub an eye, scratch a nose. Oh and then it's on like Donkey Kong.

Last year I was making "Jingle Bell Jelly" that is what I call the pepper jelly I make for Christmas. I give this as gifts and leave some under the tree for gifts for the Magi. This was covered in the prequel to this blog. "How making pepper Jelly got started." To save time Magi in our house are the people who show up with a gift when you didn't expect it. My grandmother always kept some little something under the tree for the just in case people. Most of whom will be relatives, or co-workers that didn't get the memo "no gifts" you know who you are.

Now back to how I was rendered sightless for a short time. I had put on gloves... No. As I explained earlier they hinder my dexterity. (Note to self... right and being blind doesn’t) I would love to say that I had on gloves and somehow cut one and that's how this all started but NOOOOOh I was too smart for that ... remember ...I GOT THIS.....{insert game show model move here}  Well I didn't "got this" as well as I thought. I had an itch and rubbed under my eye and oh the burn well I added water to some baking soda and put the paste under my eye and soldiered on. I would take care of this after I was done with the Jelly.

When I was finished with the jelly I decided to take out my contacts (remember My contacts were in my eyes.) I had washed my hands with baking soda and lemon juice and also again in "go-jo" that grease cleaning stuff men keep in "the shop" or on your sink cuz "well I don't have a sink in my shop" So again I was surprised and the shocked at the pain in my eye when I put my fingers in it to remove my contact. 

My brain seized up at this and for a moment I felt what I call personal panic. It's that unforeseen moment right before you get your grip on whatever has happened. I was sure my eye was on the floor and the burning/searing pain I felt was going to last forever. My mind is a lot like a big lint screen, picking up lots of tidbits of information along my way in life. Some of which I'm sure has gotten mixed with others. 

So my calm little info man says.... "No no no; eyes can't reach the floor ...but they can rest nicely on your cheek attached by the nerves and tendons holding it."  Really that's all you got at a time like this? Really!? "It's highly unlikely you have dislodged you eye in the first place, and if you going to shout I will just have to leave."  I don't need that I need to stay calm. Now while I'm trying not to step on my eye (I did not believe my inner calm) and stop the pain. He who never gets his way is in the living room chatting up a storm about something he has seen or is going to do or OMG my eye. 

Yes this once it is allllll about me and I have to stop this pain. I know now why when they train law enforcement on how to use the pepper spray they take away the guns first.... If I had one now I think I would shoot myself to make it stop.

Watado! watado!! watado!!! Now my calm self has been joined by my inner child and she is scared all to hell and back. Dancing from one foot to the other and shaking my hands like I can't find a towel. I tell her water we are going to wash our eyes out with water.

If that doesn’t work were going to take them out and wash them, hell ones already out and on the floor someplace. Ummm, well no that can't really be true. Mr. Smarty info man said so.

I still wonder if this is true or not as I try to splash water in my eye at the sink ....no good not fast enough it's really is making it worse.

My brain locks up again ... saying something about how was that possible. I really thought the pain was at the highest level.... wow was I wrong.

I'm on auto pilot now ... I strip out of my clothes and doing so smack my toe on the leg of my vanity bench moving it a good 5 inches. Oh goodie blind and gimpy LOVE THIS!  Reach for the shower door & ram hand into wall by door.

 Good blind, gimpy, and now I need a hook for a hand.  Ever notice how everything is multiplied when you’re in pain to start with.

 

Oh good my inner Drama Queen has showed up..... Saying "Wonderful just mother loving Wonderful! You’re a frocking pirate, frocking wonderful.

If you die now I'm going to stand before St.Petter naked and looking like a freaking Pirate." I could remind her that the pirate act was not my idea but what good would it do she is way to stuck-up to hear me.

I find the door and slide it open. I reach in not a fast this time see I can learn. Turn on the water full blast and step in..... HOT! Screams inner child.  Well guess I can't learn. I turn down the hot. I wash what is left of my eye and without thinking reach to remove the other contact from my left eye.

Son of a flying monkeybisket! OMG What the hell was I thinking....

Infoman..... "I don't think you were."

Inner child… "Watado! Watado!! Watadooooo!!!!

Drama Queen.... "Really?"

ME ...Stand back and give a gal room … I Got this.... Oh wait that’s how this started.....

I did get the other contact out of my eye. Happy to report the other eye was in fact in my head all the time not on the floor. My toe is not broken and I do not need a hook for a hand. I really would put my eye out then... but that is another Story. I was drying off when hubs came in to say ...oh that's where you went.... I was talking to you and poof you were gone. ...Oh wow did you know your eyes are all red Hun?

You gotta love a man like that. Comes looking for you, and is worried about a little thing like red eyes after a shower. Thank goodness he doesn’t know how many people were in the shower with me. LOL

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I am my family's fainting goat!

I did it again. Passed out when laughing. I know what your thinking. I can almost see the look on your face.

I didn't always do this it's something that started about eight years ago. It has gotten a little worse but nothing I can't deal with. My family knows about it my close friends know also. I wish I knew if it had a name or am I the only one?

Now the world will know also. Ok my world  will know  Allrecipes and Facebook. I have noticed lately that if I turn too fast I get a slight buzz like one too many wine coolers. I might have this looked into after the holidays.

My kids think it's funny to see who can make Mom pass out the fastest. My loving husband, "He who never gets his way" just puts a sleeper hold on me and gone in a wink. 

This blog is a copy of one I posted a long time ago back when Yahoo did blogs. Since I do recyle here you are. I hope you enjoy it.

The more time I spend with my family

, the more I wonder if I will survive.

I have spoken before of making myself small

And hugging the walls in this house of

He who never gets his way.

  

RK. the computer wiz

Testosterone. (Husband chases boys, boys chase each other)

We have a good time at home, but… (There

David the marine befor usmc

Is always a but) From time to time things go a little too far.

There are some things you need to know

Before I tell the tail.

1.             Husband is retired navy cop & plays ruff.

2.             My brothers were cops and I play ruff too. So don’t think its anything more then joking around gone bad.

3.             At some time I will get bling for what happened. So it’s a win for me.

4.             The last time it was “poor hubby” that got hurt. (But that’s another story).

Last night was just such a night. I’m laughing now, but… <~~See there’s another one).

We were sort of watching “M*A*S*H” and

I was cooking dinner and boys and hubby

Were being the hairless apes that I know

And love.

This behavior always includes at least one

“Hay Dad! Watch this!” or “oh shit, sorry Mom” and two or three “oh now you’re mine jerk” and my favorite “ Now boys calm down

don’t make your mother mad” (that is a laugh) Now

that they are almost 20 they answer back with “Oh it’s too late for that dad, you started it!”

David the “Hi Mom” kid, sails past me at the

Stove. Stops and returns with a hug for me and is gone again, over his shoulder he gives me the international sign for shush don’t tell. I know why as soon as I hear the

Loud “Son of a”… I’m so proud of my husband

He has learned to censor himself, this often

Makes him sound like he can not complete a

Coherent thought but it cuts out a lot of cussing.

My husband is now wandering the house looking for who ever did what ever to cause the outburst. As he wanders by me in the kitchen he stops for a hug and a peck on the cheek. “Have you see our youngest?” is the question “I can’t say” is my answerer.

Now this is a challenge in our house. I know the rules “dish it, take it.” I play the game as well as the next family member.

“Oh really, you can’t say or won’t say?” laughing and in his best Col Klink voice

“I have ways of making you talk mine cookie”

“No, no you don’t not when I’m trying to cook” I warn (what was I thinking) I was thinking it would work is what I was thinking. It didn’t and the tickling begins.

Now some how I thought I was going to stop

This action by smacking my husband playfully

With the wooden spoon I was stirring the mashed potatoes with (yes I really do cook with them).

He said something smart and I got smart back and he “as we like to say in this part of the world” came untrained, and put me in a sleeper hold.

This is no big deal with our kids but I pass out if I laugh to hard (there is a name for this but that’s another story) so what should take 10 seconds

And give the person time to say uncle only takes about 4 and I really thought I said something. They tell me I didn’t only a funny “snurgel” kind of sound. The last thing I remember hearing was M*A*S*H on the TV. Sidney Freedman was telling some kid it would be ok. Now I am wondering how I’m going to get back to the house from Korea.

This makes me chuckle and think your not really in Korea, you’re, well shit where the hell are you.

I do not know if all people feel this way on passing out and coming to, but I did.

Now on the outside looking in. I am now in a ball on the floor. Bob is feeling really bad about the sleeper hold decision & wondering why it is I’m smiling. I’ll tell him later.

David hears his father calling my name louder and louder , waits till he says he heard my knee pop to come running (did I mention I have arthritis). As I come around and wake to the moans I realize it’s not on the TV. My knee is screaming at me and its not “you can do it” it’s more like “why did you do it”.

My hubby bless his heart is on his knees holding me. As he should be, no reason I should be down here alone. My son is saying

Oh shit Dad do you hear that?? Mom’s knee is popping every time she moves it. Ok good just what I need to hear someone say.

I’m all back now. thats then I realize that it’s not my knee popping its Dads I’m laying on his bad knee. Oh this is tooo funny now.

My knee is killing me but its not as bad as my son thinks. However his dad is much happier when I roll off his knee.

The three of us are all laughing on the floor by this time. My knee is never going to be the same but it’s easing up some. Dad asks are you ok honey? “I know he was looking for a oh sure baby or yea I’m good”

BUT… all he got was “are you kidding? Right now I’d kill you for a Klondike Bar” This is a running joke in our house. To see the joke go here.

(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1uwOL4rB-go) the joke your looking for is at 4:48 .

My loving son rolls to his side laughing. Poor husband frowns and tries to hide a smile. He’s in on the joke too. Now is when son number one comes out from his room. “What’s up you guys?” almost angry “Why didn’t you Call me?” now into mister pissy  “I miss all the fun!” and with out missing a beat “Oh, is dinner ready?” and finely holding out his hand  “Here Mom you want some help up?” I can see father and David plotting a way to get him for that last one.

Well dinner is done and I’m enjoying some TV. As look at my loving family doing the dishes and think… it was almost worth it.

I call to my hubby “honey, could you bring me some more ice for my knee?” yes your right I am going to milk this for the rest of the night and as long as I can tomorrow.

How making pepper Jelly got started.

This is 10 Ghost Peppers in a jar of vinegar.
Run that first line past your brain one more time. I'll give you a "mo". Yes it's starting to sink in now,isn't it.

Do you know what I do with this?

No I don't put it on greens. I use it in my Christmas Jelly. This jelly has become a tradition in my house in just 3 years. The first time I made it "As written" and reviewed it. http://allrecipes.com/recipe/red-and-green-christmas-jalapeno-jelly/detail.aspx

Then I tweaked it. Then I made it super low sugar and submitted it for publication.

http://allrecipes.com/personalrecipe/62508737/low-suger-hot-pepper-jelly/detail.aspx if you make it please review it.Thank you.



I make the full sugar version for gifts and save the low sugar one for MIL and me. The first year I made it for extra gifts and little happies for teachers and bus drivers. The people you didn't think would get you a gift but did. My mother and grandmother taught me to keep some little something under the tree wrapped and tagged with  messages like "Just for you","Because you made me smile","Thank You" and "From our house to Yours, Happy Holidays." The charm of southern grace is not looking like it was planed. This was a lesson I learned by watching my Mom make people feel welcomed in our home with just a smile. She had a way with people.



So I Started making the Jelly to keep  for those unexpected visitors that bring gifts. The next year some of them sent the jars back with notes. Others just showed up again with a little better "surprise gift". My sons were caught rutting around under the tree for the jelly gifts for teachers and just to keep in the house. Because " Mom you give away the best stuff!" I got the hint. 

I had to change the "Wise Men Gifts" ,what my Mom called the extra gifts under the tree. I guessing because they were the first ones to show up with unexpected gifts.  That year the "wise men" that showed up got  Banana

                 Nut Bread or Cranberry Orange bread. Still a nice gift but you could tell it was a disappointment. So, I just channeled my mother. Smiled and said "I so hope you like it, I used some of our pecans from the tree out front."

This lesson I learned from my High School physiology teacher. Most people will try to please a gift giver if the giver makes them feel like their approval is important to them. 
I credit my high school physiology teacher but my grandmother could also have taught me this . She was good at the guilt trip also.

So most went away happy with their bread.  Next year I didn't get as many last minute visits.  He who never gets his way remarked no this and I smiled and said "Well you know how hectic things get this time of year." He smiled and said " Right,I'm sure it didn't have anything to do with the gift switch from Jelly to Bread."  I was caught. We had a good laugh and a wonderful chat.

This year I started early. He who never gets his way was in a canning mood. Why pass that up and I have got sooo much extra to do this year.               

 I make the Jelly and he helps can. I love having the help, and he seems to like being needed. This years Jelly making went like this. I used half regular vinegar and half ghost pepper vinegar. 1/4cup Red Jalapeno peppers. 1cup green bells,1/2 cup red bells, and some orange sweet peppers, for color.   I chopped the peppers using my left hand to hold them and my right to hold the knife. Washed my hands very carefully and was sure I had gotten all the pepper juice off my hands. I didn't spill and of the vinegar so I was quite happy with myself.

 Imagine my surprise when my face right under my right eye started to itch and burn. Well I could not stop now the jelly was in the second stage of cooking and I could not take time to fix the problem that would surly get worse if I mucked around with it now, and I'm wearing contacts oh goodie. 

My mind said "Umm Robin baking soda and water paste on that will get you through the cooking and canning." So I said thank you keeper of my jumbled filling system and made a paste of baking soda and water and smeared it on. It looks so stylish don't it yuk yuk yuk. I Soldier on with the jelly making.     

 

He who never gets his way ,came in from his shop just in time to help with the canning and tell me I had something under my eye . I explained it to him and he said "Hummm thats why I always were gloves." I remember to turn away befor rolling my eyes. I do tell him that next time I will, and ask him to help me finish up the Jingel Bell Jelly.

Lids...check









Jars at the ready. I moved the hammer before we started.  What don't you have a kitchen hammer? I had used it to wack some frozen hash browns for breakfast. So sue me I was trying to save time and clean up so we could do jelly before lunch.

I have no picture of the jelly filling, it's a two person operation at our house and no one was left to take the picture.

 The watched pot was boilling befor I put the jars in so does that rule still apply? 

My cousin one time asked if a tree fell in the forest making no noise how would you know? I'm still not sure if he was that zin or just lexdiscik like me.

I some times wonder "If a tree falls in the forest dose it have to hit a man on the head before he knows."  All the women will get that and the men who do are keepers.

.                                                                                                                                                                     The jelly came out wonderfull I had about 1/2 a jar leftover so I put it in the frig. Want not; waste not. not to mention the jelly is sooooo good on cream cheese and crackers or grilled chicken. Oh now I'm hungry better go get lunch.

Tune in next time for.....

OMG my eye ,or I'm blind ;son of  &$%(*&#@!

The story of a girl her contacts and hot pepper in the eye!   

 

Am I artsy crafty or artsy fartsy?

I have a  degree in art but that doesn't make me an artist. I am more of a crafty person. This in not a bad thing, it's just not as profitable as ,say Andy Warhol.  To that end here are some things I have done other then cooking.
                                                                                                                                                                                                   

                                                             

I sew , knit and crochet, I do them better then average. I paint ,sculpt, and carve not so well.

Made this for my Mother in Law ... she was happy . I was glad to do it for her.

How can you not love a baby in a beard hat?

     This is the set I made for the new grand baby the cradle  is what pawpawpaw made.




  Made this when I stopped smoking.








Had to make Izzy a beard hat also.

If you not laughing at this picture then you need a defibrillator.

I had a blast making these hats, almost as much fun watching people laugh at

the one wearing them. Next thing on the list is a bunting bag for new

grand baby and a coat for Izzzy . She was with me in Joann's I think she

hangs out too much with me. She wants to learn to sew now and Thinks it's so

much fun to see what new fabric came in at "Granny's Store" aka Joann

Fabrics.

Are you lyricly challenged? Or how to enjoy making cookies with grandkids.

Challenged lyrically myself I do understand how my grandchild could have caught this affliction from me. I am sorry to say I was one of those people singing at the top of my lungs ....... "Excuse me while I kiss this guy."

Other Faux pas include but are not limited to ....."baking carrot briskets and waiting on a pie."= "taking care of business and working overtime."
"Who's that casting beefeater stairs in my direction?" from the same song... " I smell sexy candy."
 Then there was ... "wet birds in spades,it's a lonely groom." = " with birds I share this lonely view."

Now to see this in your minds eye I must tell you I live on music and hugs as well as food. I am also linked to the water with a strong bond. 
So my dear love; he who never gets his way, installed speakers in the kitchen so I could play my music while I cook,and used some of the money he was saving for a drill press to send me to the southern roundup. Bless his heart.

 Izzy aka Isabella Marie, is three and very independent. She wants to help me in the kitchen ... you see she says I'm the fun granny. So music playing we set out to make cookies.....

                                                                                                                                                                                                                              

I did most of the work the day before making the dough, coloring it, and putting it together to make it look like candy corn.  I used this one but everyone has a favorite one I'm sure. http://allrecipes.com/recipe/sugar-cookies/detail.aspx

I have nice pans,I just don't use them. I may need to make a jelly roll cake some day. So for now its foil or parchment paper for me.

Izzy is always good in the kitchen (so far) she listens and tries to do just what I ask. So you can see how I was shocked to see her spinning around with her mouth open, in the middle of cookie making.

I asked her "What are you doing young lady?" She stopped looked at me and said the man said to. I looked around seeing no man in the kitchen I had to ask. "What man Izzy?" I was a little worried about her answerer (that is another blog)but I had to ask. Sweet little thing she is says "The man singing,granny." "Really?" I say. " Yes mamm, see he said .... "Open up Lizzy ,and spin until your dizzy give it all you got Petty little Missy."  We had to stop making cookies till I was done laughing. 

You see I had on Arosmith Rag doll. Old thin Lizzy ,became open up Izzy. and put out of your misery became your a Petty little Missy. Everyone tells her she is pretty so why not Steven Tyler. In her mind it made sense.

The hardest part of making cookies is the wait. So I try to tell Izzy that the wait does not seem so long if you clean up your mess wile you wait. She did not seem to like the idea but helped anyway. I wonder if I gave my granny the same deflated look.

The cookies are out of the oven.Jimmy Buffet is singing about  Margaritaville.  All is right with the world when Izzy starts singing along ....Stepped on a mop top throw out your flip flops. Bust a move and go back home. There's food in the blender, and you can send her frozen coconuts to hold on to.

                                                                                                                                                                                    

I want it put on my head stone they found her in the kitchen with a smile on her face. This kid is gonna be the death of me,but I'll go laughing.